Stephanie: is it "totes mcgroats" or "totes mcgoats"?
Adam: mcgotes.
Stephanie: i hate it so much.
Adam: i hate myself for knowing it.
Stephanie: why did you make it -ote?
Adam: cause i feel like that's what it is. it has nothing to do with actual goats.
Stephanie: but it has to do with gotes?
Adam: apparently.
Stephanie: it's all awful. i seriously hate people.
Adam: did you hear about the mcdonald's in alabama that tested a McGoat sandwich?
Stephanie: stop it. liar.
Adam: google it!
Stephanie: children's hospital hasn't gotten back to me on my volunteer interview.
Adam: no idea what you're babbling about.
Stephanie: i want to volunteer at the hospital, but it's such a long fucking process. there is no McGoat you asshole.
Adam: hahaha i love that you googled it. did i ever tell you that i offered to volunteer for the braille institute, reading books on tape for the blind?
Stephanie: wait, you don't know braille.
Adam: i offered to READ BOOKS ON TAPE, idiot, not translate braille.
Stephanie: why would they have books on tape at the braille institute?
Adam: my grandmother, when she went blind, used to love the books on tape that the braille institute sent to her.
Stephanie: awww.
Adam: so out of gratitude, i later volunteered to read said books and be recorded, seeing as how i was a working voice over actor at the time. the braille institute turned me down.
Stephanie: too lispy.
Adam: no, because i didn't have a college degree.
Stephanie: stfu.
Adam: stg.
Stephanie: i'm writing a letter.
Adam: it was 20 years ago.
Stephanie: did they actually respond and cite that as a reason?
Adam: yes. they turned me down as a volunteer, period, due to my lack of a degree.
Stephanie: i don't believe you. makes no sense.
Adam: i know! my thought is that it was just an excuse they used because of how i looked.
Stephanie: ew, when was this.
Adam: when i had long hair/ripped jeans and smelled like a pack of marlboro reds.
Stephanie: i'm gonna apply as a volunteer just to see if they accept me.
Adam: you have a college degree.
Stephanie: then I'll call them out on it.
Adam: this is a terrible plan.
Stephanie: why is it so hard to volunteer?
Adam: be back in a bit, i need to go have lunch with chad and his father, your Facebook friend.
Stephanie: wait, why aren't i invited?
Adam: because you volunteered to come.
Stephanie: so dumb. where are you going?
Adam: john o'groat's.